calmer and quieter
library
general
-
how it works
-
sitting positions
-
mind-body-breath
-
too many thoughts
-
relaxation as exercise
-
relaxation response
essential
(available during course)
-
hereness nowness
-
humour
-
doing nothing
-
speediness
-
everything is flowing
-
momentum
breathing
(available during course)
-
breathing intro
-
belly breathing
-
releasing tension
-
slowing the breath
-
pausing the breath
calmness
(available during course)
-
meditation 1
-
meditation 2
-
calmness
-
awareness
-
openness
-
thinking
-
simply being
general
What we are doing here is all about relaxing effectively, finding ease and allowing the mind to calm down. It is for anyone who would like to live in a more relaxed way and be able to deal with everyday problems more easily. On a practical side, our approach here is essentially one of progressive relaxation, and we do this by using a distinctive way of working with the breath and the mind. Just as we can do physical exercise and get fitter, in the same way can we train in relaxation and allowing the mind to calm and settle.
It is not particularly difficult at all. But, what is essential, is the right approach and the right understanding. Everything we do is very simple (on paper!) and straightforward. It is really very much like learning to ride a bike – we will wobble a bit along the way and we may even fall off, but with a sense of humour, it can be quite an adventure.
overview/intro
how it works
We start off with calming the nerves, releasing tension, settling the emotions, slowing everything down and creating space in the mind. This is done by working very simply and gently with the breath. Then, once we have some space, we can allow the mind to calm down. This is the calmness meditation or cultivating calmness phase. And then when things are a bit calmer we start uncovering the natural ease of simply being.
So, each session, be it a session in the course or a drop-in class, will always follow this sequence of relaxing and releasing and then naturally flowing into calming and opening. We do everything very gently and gradually, there is no big effort required. It is all about, at the end of the day, being as relaxed and natural as possible, returning to a space before all the tensions and worries overlaid everything.
The best way to approach this is just to take it easy. Of course the whole thing is designed for relaxation and ease but some of it does take some getting used to. In the beginning we are not used to just sitting still and essentially doing nothing. We may need to fidget or get an ache here or there but do not worry, we quickly adapt and you will be surprised how quickly it becomes normal and easy to just sit still. Working with the breath can be strange too as we are simply not accustomed to it, to using our breathing muscles in conscious ways. But like anything, we keep doing it and it quickly becomes easier.
Some people say that when they start out it feels like the inner noise is louder or that they have even more thoughts. In fact, it just appears that way and is actually a good sign because it shows that we are really becoming aware of what is going on. It appears louder or busier simply because we are suddenly seeing the whole inner business quite nakedly without any distraction or attempt to escape from it. And don't worry, everything that we do here is all about dealing with the inner noise and busyness.
The course itself is designed to be as straightforward and simple as possible. So, all you need to do is just sit down everyday and follow along. Any issues and difficulties that we may encounter are all addressed along way.
getting started
sitting positions
We sit in any position in which we can have our spines straight. We need to be alert and stable, but we also need to be relaxed. So, we don't want to be leaning up against anything. The idea is one of simple, relaxed alertness. We could say that our skeleton supports our weight and that everything else simply hangs off it.
In one way our posture is a statement, or expression, of our willingness to be fully present, alert and yet relaxed.
An important reason for sitting like this is that we do not want the belly to be squashed. We need the belly area to be able to move freely so that we can breathe properly. You can sit on a chair or on the floor – it really doesn't matter. But, most importantly, it should be easy and comfortable.
Curiously, you may find that, after a bit of experimenting, if you can get the right balance of stability, relaxation and alertness in your sitting posture, things begin to get calmer and quieter all by themselves, as the nerves and the breathing all fall into alignment.
mind-body-breath connection
Everything we do, especially in the relaxation phase, is based on the fact that our whole system is fundamentally interconnected and interdependent. The mind, body and breath are all, always, working together, influencing or being influenced by each other. Think of a sigh or a gasp - mind, emotion, feeling, breath and body, all operating in perfect harmony. Crying and laughing would be two more intense examples.
Helvetica Light is an easy-to-read font, with tall and narrow letters, that works well on almost every site.
This connectedness is what we work with. And the key to it all is the breath, because the breath is the one thing that can either be automatic and subconscious on the one hand, or, on the other, it can become conscious and we can control it. This then becomes the key to our nervous systems and our minds.
too many thoughts
'I cannot relax, find any ease, or meditate because I have too many thoughts.' These are common issues or questions and you are far from alone. We get lost in endless ruminations and fabrications and sometimes it is just too much. The fact is that we are obsessed with our thoughts and have quite an odd relationship with them. But the good news is that the problem is not quite what we think it is. We don't have to stop our thinking.
(It is a common misconception that meditation is about stopping thoughts. It is more about cultivating relaxed presence and openness, so that then the things that seemed like issues actually turn out not to be so.)
Perhaps a useful analogy: If we liken our thoughts to the story being played out on a cinema screen, what we are working with here in all of this, is the actual projector.
When we get involved in thoughts, there is some attendant emotional, nervous, or sensation level kind of element along with it. The more we follow along on these thought trails, the more our nerves etc get stirred up. This then becomes a feedback loop - a chain reaction of thought after thought fuelled by and fuelling some emotional/nervous undercurrent. But, if we can pacify the nerves and emotions, there will be a correlatory effect in the area of mind and thought. Then we have more space, and thoughts become less intense and we can more easily let them just come and go. This aspect is primarily what we are working with in the breathing and relaxation phase.
So, what we are doing here, is, essentially, finding a new, gentler way to be at ease with everything, and when we do that, the behaviour of the whole thing changes.
relaxation as exercise
It may seem odd to look at relaxation as an exercise, but it can be. It can be, because we can train in it and get better at it. In the initial phases where we work with the breath, there are a few simple things to learn, and we practice them and get used to them. As we do this we get familiar with how the breath affects the mind and vice versa. This only happens with familiarity, through direct experience, not theorising.
Then, when things are a bit softer and quieter, we move naturally into calmness meditation. Here we cultivate short moments of calm stable presenece. With practice these moments extend and the effects deepen. This element is really like exercise in the sense that if we were to take up running, say, to get fit, we would gradually build it up gently and progressively, day by day. The body responds to this and we gradually get fitter. In exactly the same way our whole system starts to get 'fitter' at relaxing when we steadily and gently 'exercise' it.
We could liken the breathing phase to learning to drive. There are few things to learn - brake, clutch, accelerator, indicators, mirrors – but very quickly all this becomes second nature. With the breathing, we get familiar with the mind, body and breath connection - slowing the breath, pausing the breath, working from the belly. And just like in driving a car, all this quickly becomes second nature. The calmness meditation part – cultivating calmness – would be more like learning to ride a bike. This is bit more intuitive, a bit more trial and error. We sense our way into it. We cannot think or analyse our way into it. But just like learning to ride a bike, we can learn how to find our balance and 'allow' calmness to arise.
Then, the more we do all this, the natural ease of simply being becomes more and more obvious beneath everything.
the relaxation response
In the 1960s Dr. Herbert Benson coined the term 'the relaxation response.' This was as a counterpart to the stress response which was well-documented by then. Dr. Benson had ended up doing some studies on meditators to see if some of the claims they were making about their meditation practices were true. What he discovered was that their claims did in fact turn out to be true and that these could be measured and verified. His studies found consistent, measurable decreases in metabolism, respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure, along with an increase in alpha brain waves (associated with awake relaxation).
Now, though the subjects were doing Transcendental Meditation, what Dr. Benson learnt was that it was not the particular style of meditation that was instrumental in the relaxation, it was the effect on the mind. He surmised that anything that helps the mind be less lost in all its usual chaos and chain reactions was good enough.
After some time, 20 minutes give or take, of letting the mind rest in and with some fairly neutral object (returning to the object gently and repeatedly to be precise), the whole physiology began the shift gears. This is where the relaxation response kicks in. So, not only had the mind relaxed and become quieter, but the whole system had begun to really relax. And that is not at all surprising as everything is fundamentally interconnected. (This is why we approach our relaxation on and from all sides – a kind of enhanced approach where we address the nerves, emotions and body (through the breath) and the mind all together.)
So, the relaxation response is hardwired into us a humans, just as is the stress response. Perhaps it was more naturally triggered when we were hunter gatherers and sat down around the fire at the end of the day, when times were simpler and human minds were less busy, less anxious and not full of largely irrelevant thoughts. Who knows? But what we can take away from this, is that to really, really relax, all we need to do is give ourselves a nudge in the right direction and nature will take care of the rest.