calmer and quieter
library
general
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how it works
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sitting positions
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mind-body-breath
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too many thoughts
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relaxation as exercise
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understanding + approach
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relaxation response
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breathing intro
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belly breathing
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releasing tension
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slowing the breath
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pausing the breath
general
What we are doing here is all about relaxing effectively, finding ease and allowing the mind to calm down. It is for anyone who would like to live in a more relaxed way and be able to deal with everyday problems more easily. On a practical side, our approach here is essentially one of progressive relaxation, and we do this by using a distinctive way of working with the breath and the mind. Just as we can do physical exercise and get fitter, in the same way can we train in relaxation and allowing the mind to calm and settle.
It is not particularly difficult at all. But, what is essential, is the right approach and the right understanding. Everything we do is very simple (on paper!) and straightforward. It is really very much like learning to ride a bike – we will wobble a bit along the way and we may even fall off, but with a sense of humour, it can be quite an adventure.
overview/intro
how it works
We start off with calming the nerves, releasing tension, settling the emotions, slowing everything down and creating space in the mind. This is done by working very simply and gently with the breath (and a little bit with the mind). Then, once we have some space, we can start learning how to allow the mind to really settle and calm down. This is the calmness meditation or cultivating calmness phase.
So, each session, be it a session in the course or a drop-in class, will always follow this sequence of relaxing and releasing and then naturally flowing into calming and opening. We do everything very gently and gradually, there is no big effort required. It is all about, at the end of the day, being as relaxed and natural as possible, returning to a space before all the tensions and worries overlaid everything.
sitting positions
We sit in any position in which we can have our spines straight. We need to be alert and stable, but we also need to be relaxed. So, we don't want to be leaning up against anything. The idea is one of simple, relaxed alertness. We could say that our skeleton supports our weight and that everything else simply hangs off it.
So, in one way our posture is a statement, or expression, of our willingness to be fully present, alert and yet relaxed.
An important reason for sitting like this is that we do not want the belly to be squashed. We need the belly area to be able to move freely so that we can breathe properly. You can sit on a chair or on the floor – it really doesn't matter. But, most importantly, it should be easy and comfortable.
Curiously, you may find that, after a bit of experimenting, if you can get the right balance of stability, relaxation and alertness in your sitting posture, things begin to get calmer and quieter all by themselves.
mind-body-breath connection
Everything we do, especially in the relaxation phase, is based on the fact that our whole system is fundamentally interconnected and interdependent. The mind, body and breath are all, always, working together, influencing or being influenced by each other. Think of a sigh or a gasp - mind, emotion, feeling, breath and body, all operating in perfect harmony. Crying and laughing would be two more intense examples.
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This connectedness is what we work with. And the key to it all is the breath, because the breath is the one thing that can either be automatic or subconscious on the one hand, or, on the other, it can become conscious and we can control it. This then becomes the key to our nervous systems and our minds.
too many thoughts
'I cannot relax, find any ease, or meditate because I have too many thoughts.' These are common issues or questions and you are far from alone. We get lost in endless ruminations and fabrications and sometimes it is just too much. The fact is that we are obsessed with our thoughts and have quite an odd relationship with them. But the good news is that the problem is not quite what we think it is. We don't have to stop our thinking. The mind thinks, that is what it does.
It is a common misconception that meditation is about stopping thoughts. It is more about cultivating relaxed presence and openness, so that then the things that seemed like issues actually turn out not to be so.
Perhaps a useful analogy: If we liken our thoughts to the story being played out on a cinema screen, what we are working with here in all this, is the actual projector and the screen itself.
Yes, we do have this habitual involvement with thoughts that we have cultivated over our whole lives. But, the good news is that the solution is relatively straightforward.
When we get involved in thoughts, there is some attendant emotional, nervous, or sensation level kind of element along with it. The more we follow along on these thought trails, the more our nerves etc get stirred up. It becomes a feedback loop. And then we have the well known chain reaction of thought after thought fuelled by and fuelling some emotional/nervous undercurrent. But, if we can pacify the nerves and emotions, there will be a correlatory effect in the area of thought. Then we have more space, and thoughts become less intense and we can more easily let them just come and go. So, what we are doing here, is, essentially, finding a new, gentler way to be at ease with everything.
relaxation as exercise
It may seem odd to look at relaxation as an exercise, but it can be. It can be, because we can train in it and get better at it. In the initial phases where we work with the breath, there are a few simple things to learn, and we practice them and get used to with them. As we do this we get familiar with how the breath affects the mind and vice versa. This only happens with familiarity, through direct experience, not theorising.
Then, when things are a bit softer and quieter, we move naturally into calmness meditation. Here we cultivate short moments of calm stable presenece. With practice these moments extend and the effects deepen. This element is really like exercise in the sense that if we were to take up running, say, to get fit, we would gradually build it up gently and progressively, day by day. The body responds to this and we gradually get fitter. In exactly the same way our whole system starts to get 'fitter' at relaxing when we steadily and gently 'exercise' it.
We could liken the breathing phase to learning to drive. There are few things to learn - brake, clutch, accelerator, indicators, mirrors – but very quickly all this becomes second nature. With the breathing, we get familiar with the mind, body and breath connection, slowing the breath, pausing the breath, working from the belly. Just like in driving a car, all this quickly becomes second nature. The calmness meditation part – cultivating calmness – would be more like learning to ride a bike. This is bit more intuitive, a bit more trial and error. We sense our way into it. We cannot think or analyse our way into it. But just like learning to ride a bike, we can learn how to find our balance and 'allow' calmness to arise.
understanding and approach
The approach is built in to the structure of the course. A systematic gradual approach is essential. We are cultivating calmness and ease. This is nurtured and finessed as it arises from a quiet stable presence. This stable presence is trained in, and, like any exercise, we cannot force it, just like we cannot force ourselves to be fit. So even though we are talking about approach here, you can see that understanding is intricately woven into it.
It doesn't take a lot, but it does take a systematic, consistent approach. In the calmness phase we are dealing more with the habits and tendencies of mind. These have been running along unchecked for our whole lives, so we need to approach all these gently too. Here understanding is crucial, because it is through the instructions that we start to see how we can relax the influence of these tendencies.
As mentioned above, meditation, as we do it here, is not about stopping thoughts. This is one very simple example of how understanding is crucial for how we progress with all this. The various understanding elements about the mind are introduced throughout the course, and we apply them immediately. They are very simple in and of themselves. It is a question of digesting these principles and letting them percolate within us so that they can subtly flavour our practice and keep us in the right direction.
A further example of how essential understanding is: If we zoom out and forget all the breathing and calmness principles, what we are actually doing is returning to simply being. Just being at ease. Though there is some doing along the way, what we are fundamentally doing is 'not doing' and remembering or returning to simply being.
the relaxation response
In the 1960s Dr. Herbert Benson coined the term 'the relaxation response.' This was as a counterpart to the stress response which was well-documented by then. Dr. Benson had ended up doing some studies on meditators to see if some of the claims they were making about their meditation practices were true. What he discovered was that their claims did in fact turn out to be true and that these could be measured and verified. His studies found consistent, measurable decreases in metabolism, respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure, along with an increase in alpha brain waves (associated with awake relaxation).
Now, though the subjects were doing Transcendental Meditation, what Dr. Benson learnt was that it was not the particular style of meditation that was instrumental in the relaxation, it was the effect on the mind. He surmised that anything that helps the mind be less lost in all its usual chaos and chain reactions was good enough.
After some time, 20 minutes give or take, of letting the mind rest in and with some fairly neutral object (returning to the object gently and repeatedly to be precise!), the whole physiology began the shift gears. This is where the relaxation response kicks in. So, not only had the mind relaxed and become quieter, but the whole system had begun to really relax. And that is not at all surprising as everything is fundamentally interconnected. (This is why we approach our relaxation on and from all sides – a kind of enhanced approach where we address the nerves, emotions and body (through the breath) and the mind all together.)
So, the relaxation response is hardwired into us a humans, just as is the stress response. Perhaps it was more naturally triggered when hunter gatherers sat down around the fire at the end of the day, when times were simpler and human minds were less busy, less anxious and not full of largely irrelevant thoughts. Who knows? But what we can take away from this, is that to really, really relax, all we need to do is give ourselves a nudge in the right direction and nature will take care of the rest.
essential
hereness nowness
Hereness and nowness can, to some, sound a bit cliched andor new-agey but it is the essence of all of this. The notion of being here and now reminds us to be present. Just to be with this moment is as it is. We are not looking for anything in particular, nor are we looking for anything to be different or be a certain way. Just to be aware of this moment, here and now. The now element tells us that we are not involved in thoughts of past or future. We are simply open to the present.
Experiencing only ever happens in the present moment, so to relax and find ease we must be present, because we are delaing with experience pure and simple.
The journeys that our minds go on are endless, but they provide no peace. When we go on these journeys we are travelling all over in time, thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future, literally time travelling. We are also travelling in space, we go all over the place in an instant. It is very much the opposite of here and now!
So have this notion of simply being present. It is so simple and yet the key to everything, because if are are not in and with the present we are in some kind of fabrication, we are not being real.
This is one of the few reasons that we use the breath as our gentle focus in the calmness meditation. The breath is always right here and right now. There is not much that we can elabortae on or fantasise about with the breath. It can only, plainly and simply, be experienced. And it is this simple experiencing of the breath that begins to allow everything to settle and calm and then open... to allow our experience to relax into openness... revealing a peaceful ease, that is right here and right now.
'It is all too serious to take seriously.'
Our minds can be quite serious by nature, their endless plotting and ruminating, remembering and regretting... all of that. Everything is so important! But that seriousness is a kind of flavour that the mind has (sometimes or often - depending), it is something extra that we add onto or into everything.
The serious mind brings with it a kind of tension or heaviness. The serious mind wants to give importance to things that really do not matter. But as we start to see, relaxation is open and light. We cannot approach relaxation with a serious mind!
So, we will make much more progress if we can be light and playful. If you are learning to ride a bicycle you need to feel you way into it. You certainly will fall off! But, if you have a playful and light approach the whole process will not only be more enjoyable, it will also be easier.
Something to watch out for here is that there can be a tendency to be a bit serious about all of this in another way. Some people tend to think of meditation or similar things as this special spiritual kind of endeavour and start trying to make it fit into some preconcieved notion they have. But that is all just fabrication and mind games. We are simply concerned with relaxing in and into the here and now. The seriousness and specialness that we may attribute to all this is simply that – just, and only, what we have attributed to it.
So, as we go along with the practice we can start to see that there is an element to this whole business that is a bit of a joke. The mind wants to relax and we want to feel better, but the mind starts making it all so complicated and serious. But, things are only as serious as the mind makes them. We see the mind and its seriousness is creating its own imagined problems. The joke is on us! Or on our minds. So, if we can laugh at ourselves and our fruitless endeavours we are already well on our way.
We can be sincere without being serious.
humour
doing nothing
Maybe one of the biggest changes we could make in our lives is to do nothing. To really do nothing.
To just be. With no agenda.
We are always doing things, externally and internally. Even when we sit down and it looks like we are doing nothing externally, internally there is a lot going on – thinking, planning, plotting, remembering...
This doing creates tension. But if we can just let it all be, and do nothing about it, not getting involved, not reacting to it all, not perpetuating it (all subtle forms of doing)... then we can just be. Just be at ease. At ease as a result of doing nothing.
Say our lives have a certain colour to them, and that colour is determined by our internal habitual doings. If we keep doing the same 'doings', the colour will remain the same. For example: Imagine painting an endlessly long blue line. The blue is our habitual doing. If we always paint blue, the line, our lives, will always be blue. Then, say every day we add in a slpash of yellow to the paint. Yellow here being doing nothing. Just a little yellow, every day, added at intervals along this line. The first time we add a splash of yellow, the green will not be so visible. But if, as we continue this long blue line, and we add yellow at regular intervals, then slowly, gradually, the green (of a more relaxed life!) will be more obvious.
Making a change by doing nothing!
speediness
In western cultures we have this inner kind of speediness, where minds move quite quickly. There is a lot of expectation that things should be this way and that. Education, culture, lifesyle all conspire to create this. On the one hand it has led to a lot of development in the external material world, but this internal conditioning has led to a bit of an imbalance. People have lost a sense of ease. We have certain demands and expectaions on the external world - things should work a certain way; we strive for predicatability. Now modern culture has done quite a good job at all this, yes. BUT, but life is unpredictable, life has all sorts of bumps, big and small, along the way. That is just the way it is. So looking at life through a filter of demanded predicatability and order becomes quite rigid, as it overlooks the raw unpredictability of life as it is. This is not a question of the right or wrong of it, it is just a question of conditioned behaviour and how it makes us feel.
What happens is that the thinking process gets quite fast and overstimulated and emphasised – order, by nature, is imposed by thought and logic. Then we end up kind of spending too much time in the analytical brain, and our nerves reflect that, our nerves get sped up, and we get habitually wired in a certain way, or pattern. And because of this imbalance we have lost a very natural sense of ease.
So, as we are all about breathing and calming and harmonising everything here, we bring the whole sytem back into a natural balance and this, thus becomes an antidote to this conditioned speediness.
everything is flowing
When we are present in our relaxation/meditation, we see that things continually arise - thoughts, sensations, feelings. We are alive and we are receptive and we have minds and sense organs and they will all do what they are designed to do. So, there is this continual movement of stuff... a flow. This is a really important and helpful point for us to digest. What usually happens, as you will see when we do the relaxation, is that we grab onto things, or we get hooked by them, depending on how you want to look at it. But, any thought, say, that arises, is already on its way out as soon as it arrives, it is flowing through. Everything is moving and changing.
Say we are sitting on a slow moving train and through the window we have a view of the slowly-rolling-by countryside. The image is constantly changing as it flows past the frame of the window.
There may be trees and farmhouses, cows and fields – all sorts of things will flow into view and then disappear. We can try and fixate or focus on one thing like a cow, but it will soon be gone from our view. So to really try and hold onto the image of that cow would be fruitless and frustrating obvioulsy, because we know it will soon be gone.
Now, when we sit and relax, our experience could be likened to the view within the frame of the window. All that arises is flowing through the present moment of our window frame of awareness. All we need to do, is just let it flow. Easier said than done, sure. But the more we can rememebr and familiarise ourselves with this the easier things will be. The more we are present and quiet, the more we will experience for ourselves that this is actually how things are, and thus our persepctive shifts and we have more space and ease.
Say you are standing in a flowing river. The water flowing around us like the contents of our experience flowing through the present moment. We are just there and we let it flow through us (or around us in the case of the river.).
And this river analogy is a good one, for another reason. If the water is flowing around you with some force and you make yourself very rigid you will be more likely to get knocked over. But if you are more relaxed, you can bend a bit and then the water can flow around you more easily. The path of least resistance!
So for us here, this idea of flowing is very important. Everything is flowing through us. Nothing will stay very long, it cannot. No thought you have ever had has stayed very long. Even your worst day has eventually ended. This flow just goes on and on. We do not know what will appear in the next moment, what will flow in to our eperience. So we are not responsible for it... we are free from any burden of guilt or blame! We can simply relax and open up, giving everything space to move and flow as it will anyway. This is a large part of what we are doing here - aligning ourselves with how things are naturally and it all then becomes effortless and easy.
momentum
Following on (flowing on!) from the idea of flowing is the notion of momentum. This is expecially important in the area of allowing everything to settle or the cultivation of calmness.
If we imagine that this flow of experience is like water, moving along, then that clearly has momentum. Now, if we keep feeding the momentum of this water, it will keep on moving at the same speed. And of course if we gradually remove its momentum, the water will slow down.
So, the more we just let all our own internal stuff flow as it will, without getting involved in it, and especially without reacting to it, it will begin to slow and calm down.
So, here you can begin to see the two sides to relaxation and calmness. On the one hand we practice disengaging, opening, relaxing and just letting everything be. On the other hand, we cultivate being quiet and stable in the present with the breath. (This latter part we approach very gradually and systematically.) When we are with the breath we are easy and quiet and thus not fuelling any momentum, so the speed and intensity of the internal activity begins to calm. And this is supported by our ability to just be relaxed and open and let things be more easily. And conversely, it is easier to just let things flow as they will when they are softer, slower and quieter as a result of being with the breath. It is a self-reinforcing loop, which has its own peaceful momentum.
kindness
The notion of kindness is a very important one. Here we are talking about kindness as a sense of softness and gentleness, in a natural easy way. Kindness in the mind has a naturally relaxed quality to it.
One of that main internal factors or habits we have is that we judge ourselves and even give ourselves a hard time. As we start to work with relaxing, this tendency does not just get switched off, it creeps in over and over. On the small scale, for example, it could be just a thought that arises. Then we judge that thought as being bad. And then there are further chain reactions and tensions etc. Though here, as we work towards relaxation, calmness and ease, and we start to see that thoughts are just thoughts, neither good nor bad, the judging habit arises nonetheless.
Now, the judging habit is very strong, yes, but we can do something about it. And this is where kindness comes in. Imagine you take your little six-year-old nephew to the park. He is quite a character, full of life and mischief. You take a seat on a bench and watch as he goes onto the slides and things, having the time of his life. He runs around for a bit, going bananas. And, after a while he suddenly starts eating a plant. You jog over and stop him, telling him it is not perhaps such a great idea. You find the whole thing quite amusing. The fact that he is your nephew is important. You can be the cool, easy-going aunt or uncle, not the strict over-bearing parent. You watch him with love, care and kindness, but also with humour. Your kindness to your nephew gives him space to just be, to go bananas and be himself. This is not some wishy-washy kindness; it is very natural and easy.
So, this is the simple, natural kind of kindness we have towards ourslelves here. Kindness gives space, space to just be, without any judgement or seriousness. Our minds often go bananas and are like naughty kids most of time... and kindness simply allows them to be as they are.
Because, it is only when we can just leave everything alone that we can start allowing it to settle.
So, kindness offers a natural antidote to judgement and the tension it brings. But it is also a nudge in the right direction for us. If we were totally relaxed and calm, we would easily be able to allow our thoughts to float on through us. There would be a natural softness and kindness there. So the notion of kindness isn't something fabricated, it is a natural quality that we are giving a nudge to, waking up, helping to shimmer through. It is also inseparable from the notion of space. Kindness gives space for things to just be. It is allowing.
Finally, as we read this, and as we listen to the instructions, everything goes in and is processed through thought. But what we are doing here is not a thinking exercise – we are working with our whole mind, body and breath system. So, kindness brings our heart-feeling element nicely into the equation. It has to be included because, our hearts-feelings are a part of us. We are working at harmonising and relaxing and calming everything. We will get very off balance and not get too far if we approach all this from our heads!
balance
When we learn to ride a bike it is all about finding our balance. That is it. In the same way here everything is about balance.
When we sit, we are stable and also relaxed. We don't lie down so that we can be alert. We don't stand up so that we can be stable. (We also sit so that the paths of our nerves, connecting belly, lungs, brain and heart etc are aligned and balanced. We also don't lean against anything so that we can remain alert.) But we are not tense. We find our way to relax into the posture. We find the balance.
With the breathing that we do, we are aware of how we breathe. But unlike in some approaches ours here is very gentle. We make an effort to modify the breath very slightly, but we do not force it.
When we are with the breath in the calmness cultivation/meditation phase, we are simply with it. We 'are/be' with the breath. We do not force our attention tensely or tightly onto it. But nor are we too loose that we lose the breath and space out. Balance.
When we deal with the filters or habits of mind in the meditation, we are always balanced.
When things arise in our experience we practice simply being okay with everything. This balances out the tension creted by liking/disliking something. This is important all the way through and is very noticable when cultivating calmness. As there we are aiming to allow everything to settle and this cannot be done if we are disliking something that arises, and obviously have gotten involved in it, and have therefore perpetuated further chain reactions of thoughts/feelings. Clearly the opposite of allowing things to settle.
As we go further and get quieter, a subtle kind of wanting creeps in, like we are expecting something, or looking for something in particular. This will agitate us on a subtle level, but the principle is the same. We are not totally open and accepting as we have lost our balance. So we balance out the way between wanting and not wanting and let go again and again into the present as it is.
breathing
breathing intro
We approach the breathing here in a very gentle, natural way. We work with the fact the everything – the mind, body and breath – is fundamentally interconnected and interdependent. Everything influences everything else. And, as the breath is one thing within our systems that we can consciously control, this is where we start.
Some breathing techniques or approaches rely on the more mechanical or biological elements of the breath only. But here, because all is interconnected, we also include the mind in our breathing. That is why we approach the breath in a very soft, easy way. We are nurturing changes in the breath as opposed to forcing or making any big effort. What is fundamental here is that we are fully aware of the breath, fully with it and in it, as we go along.
So, the breathing element gives us the chance get acquainted with the territory of the mind, body and breath system and to start learning how to work with it. Our minds are, in the beginning, quite flighty and unstable, so really being aware of, and with, the breath helps us get used to focusing it a bit through having something to occupy it. It gives it something to do which is easy and gentle, and in a simple sense allows it to get accustomed to a quieter and simpler way.
As we go along, gently working with the breath with awareness, everything begins to slide back into harmony (the mind, body and breath) and this in turn brings its own ease to our being.
We approach the breathing here with a meditative attitude, you could say. Just as further along, we approach the calmness meditation with breathing at its core.
The quality of breath is intricately related to the 'quality' of mind. When our mind is calm and quiet so too will be our breath. This relationship is something were utilise from step one. So, when we work with the breath here, it becomes like a mirror for the mind, we can actually see or sense the effect that our mental attitude is having on the breath and we can then naturally adapt it, or let go of something – maybe tension, or expectation, or frustration – that is effecting the breath. The mind-body-breath interplay is always going on, so we get familiar with it and learn how to work with it for ease and more effective relaxation.
Important notes: What you will read below looks like a lot on paper, but it is only technical background. It is all just the elements of one simple breathing technique that we build up our capacity for over the course. It only takes 7 to 10 minutes to do!
And: More than anything, approach all this in a relaxed and playful way. We are not used to controlling our breathing muscles in the beginning, so it can be weird! Just keep relaxing and trying, playfully. You can do a minute or so then space out a bit then start again! Don't be perfectionist about it. It will be a bit messy!
belly breathing
The simplest and yet the most fundamental element of breathing is the belly breath. This is simply done by relaxing the the whole abdominal area. (We can, by the way take this relaxation all the way around to the lower back and kidneys, completely opening up the whole lower area of the body.)
We relax the belly so that the diaphragm above it can move down freely. If the belly is tense, as is often the case, the diaphragm will encounter resistance as it tries to extend downwards on the inhalation. And, thus, there will be less volume in the lungs, and the breath will not be so complete.
We hold a lot of tension in the belly area so by simply relaxing we have a two-fold benefit: we release some tension and we allow ourselves to start breathing in a naturally relaxing, more calming manner.
If you watch a sleeping baby, this is how they breathe, their little bellies moving up and down, effortlessly, peacefully. Though babies do have an advantage in that they don't really have any accumulated stress or tension.
Now, because we do not habitually breathe in this way, we have to do it intentionally to begin with. To give it a kick start, so to speak. We become aware of the belly, we relax it, and then our breathing pattern itself becomes more relaxed. Immediately we are working with the interconnectedness of mind, body and breath and bringing things back into harmony. But, the old haits are strong. We lose our presence very quickly, the tension in the belly returns and the old habit of less complete, or less relaxed breathing returns (for many it has become a kind of default setting). But this is okay, we don't fight this fact. It is just how it is, for now. We simply reset again, and again, and again... Then soon, as we begin to relax more, this pattern of belly breathing then gets settled into and we can just let it float along. It then becomes a positive feedback loop. Relaxed mind and awareness relaxes the belly and breath, then the relaxed belly breath feeds back in and relaxes the whole system and thus the mind.
Within all this there is is a very important part of all that we are doing here – this very simple moment of just becoming present, here and now, is enough to begin relaxing everything. Without being present we are lost in our usual tensions. So just being present and aware is the natural and essential catalyst for relaxation. Relaxation is by nature effortless!
releasing tension
The mind, body and breath can work together to create tension or relaxation. To illustrate the point, think of a gasp. This a great example of the mind, body and breath working in perfect harmony, as we can see, we can feel, the physical-breathing component of this experience. Something shocks us – this comes in through the mind – and immediately the body responds. We breathe in abruptly and pull the belly in and there is of course also the attendant emtional element to the shock. (Breathing in and pulling the belly in is, curiously, the opposite of normal breathing!) All this kind of makes an imprint on our system, we can feel it. Imagine repeating this over and over and over....
So, our breathing patterns and our tensions exist simply because we have been running along unawares. Our whole lives we have made unchecked repsonses and reactions to things and these reactions create tensions within the body. When we repeat the same reactions, we create mental impressions and habits, and this starts to condition the body in the form of residual physical tension and creates tense and imbalanced breathing patterns. This all occurs because it is like we are, for some reason (this is addressed it detail later on), defending ourselves against our own existence and this tension all becomes like a suit of armour – heavy and cumbersome and not very flexible.
Now, when we become aware of the whole mind, body and breath business, we can start to really do something about all this. By simply breathing in a relaxed way whilst being aware of the body we start to bring the relaxation into the body and can begin to release stored tensions. Think of the gasping mechanism in reverse.
slowing the breath
When slowing the breath we do exactly that – we slow it down. If our relaxed breath comes in for a count of 5, we then breathe in the same volume but just more slowly, for a count of 7, for example. We may find that we breathe a little more deeply and that is okay. We are not aiming to breathe in more slowly because we are taking in a much larger volume of air. We are simply breathing more slowly, and any attendant and natural increase in volume that follows from that is fine.
Slowing the breath is an excellent mirror for the mind, because to more we can open and relax the mind the easier it is. In fact the main principle here is to allow the breath to slow down. So, clearly, this needs a sensitive, relaxed and gentle sense of awareness to be with the breath. A relaxed open mind mirrors relaxed and easy breathing. (When we are tense and agitated we tend to breathe from the chest with a lot of restriction and tension in the belly.) So when we approach slowing the breath, it immediately reflects our quality of mind at us and encourages us to open and relax, it gives us cues for fine tuning. Here we are really harmonising mind, body and breath, with the key notion being that of 'allowing' - being totally with and in the body and breath and with the mind 'allowing' the slowing to happen.
Smoothness of breath is also a great mirror and cue for the mind. By just noticing if the breath is smooth or not, encourages the mind itself to be smoother, less frictious. Whichever phase of breathing we are doing, even just relaxed belly breathing, smoothness and evenness are two essential qualities to keep in mind.
As we are gradually sliding into a calmer and quieter state, the mind is key. Working with the mind directly in the beginning is quite difficult, so we have these imtermediary phases of working with the mind and this is done in the area of the breath. In the meditation phase we are with the mind much more nakedly, so it is very beneficial to have some sense of how to work with the mind (which we get from the breathing), on the one hand, and on the other, it is much easier to work with the mind when it is more, open, relaxed and moving more slowly, which is the result of the breathing.
pausing the breath
The final ingredient in our breathing recipe is the business of pausing the breath. Our approach to pausing the breath is very similar to slowing the breath in the sense that we are aiming to allow the breath to stop, but the word 'pause' is more fitting. We could do it forcefully as is often done elsewhere, but again, we are working with the mind here too. So, in this phase we have a great, maybe the best, opportunity to really work with the interplay of breath and mind for our benefit. If we are very quiet like a tiny mouse and follow the breath in, we will see that there is this turning point between the in and out breaths, where the breath is neither coming in any more nor is it going out. It is a very, very short moment, yes, but it is a point of perfect stillness.
Now, quiet as a mouse, if we are with the breath – open, sensitive and receptive – when that point arises, between in and out breath, and our awareness is just with it and in it, there is perfect mirror between stillness of breath and stillness of mind. There is just stillness. We do not create this stillness, it is just there. And if we really enter into it, by doing nothing at all, then that moment will start to extend in time by itself. It is very, short initially, maybe just a second ar two, but a natural pause will open up. The space will expand. This requires no effort at all. And as we get used to this, and as mind a breath begin to mirror each other more, then the one or two seconds will naturally extend all by themselves.
(Of course, in the beginning, as we find our feet, we allow a little effort to pause the breath, yes. But we are developing sensitivity and relaxing towards the point where the pause begins to open up by itself.)
So here again you can see how and why we work with mind a breath in unison. The breath mirrors mind and vice versa. We can then get a genuine taste or experience, though short, of naturally peaceful openess, that is totally uncreated – it is just there in the absence of noise, fluctuation and movement.
Then as we go on a bit further, we start to apply a little more effort. Here we start nudging the pause to really extend, we stretch it out much longer. This is only when we are comfortable with the first pause phase though. This phase could be likened to holding the breath, but that is too forceful. We allow the pause to extend by making some tiny, gentle effort, rather than forcibly holidng it. This is a subtle but important difference. This phase begins in the middle of the course and is actually incredibly easy. It is simply a natural progression from the first phase of natural pausing. It is just an evolution of that.
The reason for this pausing, is to really enter into the stillness. When the breath is still, and when we are totally present in this, and, when, most importantly, we are totally relaxed around it, then the stillness cuts through our mind, our nerves, everything. We have a blast of stillness you could stay. We have a chance to experience a much more open sense of awareness. We start to experience a natural stillness that is also open and space-like, and this is a fundamental element of what follows in the calmness meditation that immediately follows on from this breathing phase.
calmness
meditation 1
The main part of the practice is here is the calmness meditation. Traditionally it is known as 'cultivating calmness' which I prefer, as meditation can be a bit of an ambiguous word.
We could say that there are two sides to cultivating calmness, on the one hand there is the actual calmness of mind, where the turbulence has settled and the mind is relaxed, easy and... calm! On the other hand it is about a calm attitude and these two sides continually reinforce and support each other.
Imagine you have a glass of muddy river water, full of sediment. If you place the glass on a table the sediment will begin to settle and the water will regain some clarity. But if we shake the container, the sediment will never settle. Now imagine that your body is a container within which are the nerves, thoughts, sensations and feelings. So, first we sit still. That is all. That is the base.
Ideally, then, everything would begin to settle. But, unfortunately, as we have all this internal activity that we keep on habitually churning over, we need to learn how to stop stirring it all up.
This is the real calmness part of what we do, and it is not that difficult. But, understanding and approach are essential.
The first step in calming everything down is by very simply being with the breath for short periods. When we do this we are not feeding and fuelling the all the internal activity, and it then begins to lose some momentum... and then it begins to settle. The course structure is essential here because this one area is what we gradually and systematically build up over the six weeks.
So, you can see that we do not actually create or make the calmness, we do not do it (though we do cultivate a calm attitude to everything), we actually create the conditions in which everything can settle and then real calmness arises as a result.
This then gets to one of the beautiful elements of all this... we do not actually have to create anything. We just practice being with the breath, being present, being present and okay... and everything else will take care of itself.
This is the most fundamental way of looking at cultivating calmness, the bare bones of the mechanics so to speak.
As we progress with this 'mechanical' side of the practice we employ a few other breathing and relaxing elements in the process. These are covered in detail in the course. You could look at them as enhancements to the basics mentioned above.
meditation 2
As we go through the course, day by day, we build on the above principle of cultivating calmness. The simple fact of just being with the breath does eventually lead to calmness but we are here concerned with making this process as effective as possible. Imagine that you are swimming and wearing a pair of yellow tinted goggles. After a while you forget about it and it is only when you get out of the pool and take the goggles off that you suddenly see things as they are again. The yellow filter, which we had gotten used to, has suddenly been removed.
We have a lot of habitual tendencies in our minds which act like filters. And these filters can inadvertently stir things up. Example: we are fairly relaxed and just being with, flowing along with the breath. But there is a quiet edge somewhere, and perhaps a very subtle disquiet is going on. This could be for a number of reasons, but let us look at the example of disliking. If there is some quiet current or trail of thought that we do not like, this very disliking is giving the thing attention. And by giving it attention we feed its momentum. Thus, obviously, settling will not happen. Plus, when we resist something, we then start wanting it to be different, and this creates its own whole new tension.
This is an example of how 'filters' in our attention, these old habits and tendencies of mind, can prevent us from calming down.
But the great news is, and again it is kind of beautiful, is that to rectify this, we just have to relax. We get better at sensing when some filter/habit is getting in the way and by simply doing so we can relax its effect on us. We relax out of that tendency. And the best way to do this is to cultivate a calm attitude, one of total acceptance and okayness. We do not need to fight or resist anything. We just need to relax.
So, as we go along, in the course, we gradually learn about the habits and tendencies that inadvertently agitate us or get us stuck, and we simply let go of them.
This starts to bring so much ease and freedom, because we then start to see that (from this perspective) nothing really a matters; it only has the importance we give it. We can simply be okay with anything and everything and then nothing will disturb us.
So, on the one hand we develop quiet and stable presence by being with the breath, and on the other we learn about the mind's tendencies and begin to relax the mind itself. This all then works in harmony for real calmness, ease and relaxation to arise.
And, don't forget that we start every session with the breathing, so that when we go into the calmness cultivation phase we are already quite calm and open and easy, so the meditation phase is merely a natural evolution of the breath-induced relaxation and openness.
When all this is new to us it can seem a bit weird like visiting a new country, but it is in fact all very simple and straightforward.
And, at the end of the day, we are in fact not going anywhere particularly new. We are simply allowing a natural state of simple ease, relaxation and calm to arise within us.
calmness
As we work with the mind-body-breath connection throughout the initial breathing/relaxation phase, here in the calmness phase we also work as holistically as possible.
We have so many interconnected layers within us and our minds are wildly complex, so we try to harmonise our approach with all layers as much as possible. So, as we go along in the course, getting familiar with everything, practicing, we also cultivate our 'attitude'. This attitude or perspective is nurtured by our experience/understanding from actually doing the practice. We could say that the overriding quality of this attitude is one of calmness – a calm attitude. It is a sense of easiness and openness on a more emotional/existential level. Another way of saying it is that we cultivate a sense of being okay with everything.
I say cultivate because more often that not we will not be okay with things that arise, we will not have a calm attitude, and that is fine, we are still learning and exploring. But as we get better at sitting and being relaxed and present, as we get better and releasing, relaxing and opening, this then starts to seep out into our overall attitude, which becomes more open and easy. However, to give ourselves a helping hand during this, we do also make a tiny effort, more of a remembrance really, to have a calm, open and easy attitude and this supports our practice. In fact our practice is leading us in that way anyway.
We learn that fire burns by putting our hand in it. So, as we sit and do the practice, we start to 'learn' how our perspective or overall attitude shapes things, and when it is not easy and gentle, we get burnt...
As mentioned above, the more we learn to relax and release, the more we get better at allowing calmness to arise, the more we see that nothing that arises really matters (it comes and then goes – in fact as soon as it arises it is on its way out), and this deepens our perspective or attitude of calmness.
As we go along, besides the many benefits to the practice, this calm attitude can start to spill over into our daily lives, so that we can respond to situations in a calmer more relaxed way.
awareness
As we go along the idea of awareness becomes more important. I am not going to get bogged down in technicalities or philosophical musings so let us keep it simple.
As we progress through the course and we start relaxing more and things get quieter, this element of naked knowing, simply being present and conscious becomes very clear. This is our basic awareness and is always with us. Without it we would not know we were thinking, happy, stressed or even alive. It is a bit like a mirror and just reflects whatever is in it. When you are happy, you know it. When you are sad, you know it – the 'knowing' quality is the same, even though the object or content is quite different.
If we were totally and utterly relaxed and at ease, we would be breathing in a certain way, our heart rate would be slower, our thoughts would be less frequent and intrusive and would flow though us without issue.... and we would be aware of all this. And in this state the awareness quality is plain to see or sense.
It is like our usual agitated state is a turbulent weather system, but when we completley relax, the weather clears, and we are left with blue sky. In fact the sky is always sky but it is hard to notice this when the weather is so tempestuous.
So, as we work on all our layers in the course, and as the course progresses, and as we get more relaxed and spacious, this element of awareness naturally takes more importance. We start to employ it as the open, quiet base of everything and can begin to allow that to infuse our relaxation.
If we liken it to layers. With the relaxation and breathing we are working from the outside (of our layers) towards the inside. In the calmness phase we are working from outside in and a bit from inside out. And as we progress, with open awareness we can really work from the inside out, from the base upwards. So when we start working on all of it, relaxing all of it, from every angle, because everything is connected, we can really, really relax and simly be completely at ease.
openness
Following on from awareness is this notion of openness. On a physical level we can see the relationship between openness and relaxation. Clench your fist and it is tight and closed – not relaxed. Then relax it, and it opens. This is pretty basic but it illustrates the point. So we have this notion of relaxation and openness and this very much applies to the mind too. Whe we get lost in our thoughts we are kind of constricted into them and we lose our openness. One important element of, and reason for, the breathing that we do is to relax back into openness. And openness is also very much how awareness is. Awareness, on the fundamental level, is naturally open.
If we liken awarenss to a mirror, a mirror can refelct anything, even outer space. So this very natural quality of openness is always available when we just relax back into it. It then in turn can start to falvour our expereince. We could also liken openness to space, or a sense of spaciousness.
As we are all about relaxing, this natural openness will really be our friend. We can, as said, relax back into it, on the one hand, and on the other, we can begin to recognise it as fudamental quality of our awareness so that it 'flavours' our experience, opening it up and thereby allowing everything to flow more fluidly without getting stuck.
And, as we get more familiar with openness it can start to naturally infuse our daily life, which is a good thing!
Towards the end of the course, we are by then calmer and quieter in our practice. We have become better at letting things go, and letting things be. So, then, to help us further along we look a little at the nature of thinking.
But remember, we are not trying to stop thinking at all. We take the easy-going way and aim to just let it be. But as you will be well aware by this point, sometimes it is not so straightforward...
So, we learn a few things about the nature of thinking. This is not for some philosophical reasons. It is purely to help us disengage from thinking, to lessen the importance we give it, by seeing its function, nature and most importantly, seeing its limitations. We then see that we do not need to rely on it so much, to buy into it, be so obsessed with it – that there is in fact a much calmer and quieter reality available to us beneath thinking (well, maybe not beneath it, but outside of it anyway).